there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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