Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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