I got chris browned last night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
