There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
