that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
