Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
