Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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