Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
