and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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