Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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