I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i've created a new STD.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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