Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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