i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
