FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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