He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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