I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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