hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize