When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
