i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
