Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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