I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
