I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
