Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
