That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
