She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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