8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
