A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
