I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
