Im at strip club and am horny
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
