I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
