Welp...herpes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
