I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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