My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
