He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
