so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
