Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
