So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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