we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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