Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
