i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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