The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
