There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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