my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Less talking, more tequila
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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