the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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