I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
