Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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