I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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