It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
