I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
