I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
