i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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