I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
