It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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