my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
