why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
send nudes
from the living room?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
