I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
