Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
