You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
