i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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