Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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