Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
