so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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