Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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