last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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