i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
