Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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