i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
