holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
