Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
