That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
