I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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