We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
