Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
